So I didn't write a post yesterday because, honestly, I just couldn't be bothered. But right now, this isn't about that. This is about high school.
There's something really surreal about the fact that in just a week and a half I'll be back in school, navigating the big, scary halls of a big, scary new high school. This summer has seemed to last forever, and the fact that it's ending seems weird because although I didn't do a lot, a lot of capital-s Stuff happened, and really I feel like this person starting the tenth grade is completely different than the one who left the ninth last spring. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but it was standing in that airport after my final flight home from camp, exhausted and sunburned and covered in dirt that I felt it. There aren't many moments that you can point to and say, "That's when everything changed," but I happen to know that that is one of those moments, although I'm not sure I'll ever know why.
Something happened to me that week in June in the mountains of Albuquerque, surrounded my one of my oldest friends and some of the best people I'll know. It's that same something that's continued to work its way inside me and do something to change me. It may be imperceptible to the people who know me well, this change, but I can feel it and I can see it in the things that I do and the things that I write and the choices that I make.
I'm not a totally different person. I don't have that idea that I'll go into a new school and I'll be a whole new person, who cares about everyone I knew before. I just know that I'm going to start high school without braces, with a new haircut and the capital-s Stuff that happened and the feeling that somehow everything has changed, even if it hasn't at all.