2012 Playlist

I don't want to do a 2012 wrap up thing because frankly 2012 blows so here's the playlist that's getting me to the end of the year in no particular order

Holding On- Alex Day

Don't Look Back- Alex Day

(The entirety of Alex Day's Parrot Stories, basically)

This Is Me- Charlie McDonnell

Holiday Club- Jim and the Povolos

Asleep- The Smiths

Holland, 1945- Neutral Milk Hotel

I Must Belong Somewhere- Bright Eyes

Love Love Love- The Mountain Goats

Stay (I Missed You)- New Found Glory

The First Day of My Life- Bright Eyes

The Gambler- Fun

To Have a Home- Starkid (Darren Criss)

Jealousy- Darren Criss

Human- Darren Criss

I'm going to end up writing a 2012 wrap up post aren't I.

Whateves

xx D

I like you.
At this point, I'm not sure what else to say
Or how I can say it
But
I like you
I could write about it in perfect iambic pentameter
Or in a sonnet
Or a song
I could do all of those things
But
It would all come back to those three words
I like you
Because you call me out when I'm being particularly stupid
And you're smart
Not like genius smart
But you can hold your own in a conversation
And last year
When you read my essay in English class
You were particularly, genuinely impressed
In a way no one has ever been in my writing
All of these things and more
But it all comes back to
I like you

I'm Scared

I'm scared.
I'm absolutely terrified.
And I'm terrified of being terrified.

I write a lot. I'm rarely not writing. But for whatever reason, I can count the amount of people I've personally shared my writing with on one hand. Because writing is personal, and if someone judges the things I write they're judging me, but a more vulnerable me. And to me, vulnerability is weakness. As much as I know that that isn't true, it still seems to be in my mind. It's part of being scared. I don't want people to know me, because I'm afraid that if they do they won't want to. And that's the most terrifying thing of all time.

I hide a lot of myself from other people because, even though I wouldn't like to admit it, I'm afraid of how they'll feel about me. I'm antisocial because I can't stand the idea of spending time around people who don't like me, or people who are constantly judging me. I actively realize how stupid this is, but the fact that I can't change it is scary too. I'm afraid of myself.

I rarely share my feelings with other people. I'm afraid to fall in love because I'm afraid of commitment and I'm afraid of trust and I'm afraid. I'm afraid to admit my feelings because, again, I'm afraid of showing any weakness that accompanies it. I'm afraid of getting too close because I feel like if I do it's going to end with me getting hurt. So I constantly push away and I suppress my feelings and I hide until they go away.

I think this can all be chalked up to the fact that my biggest fear is failure. I'm afraid of failing classes, I'm afraid of failing auditions, I'm afraid of failing expectations. I'm afraid of setting goals for myself because I know that if I don't reach them I will hate myself. And so I'm afraid of what I'll do to myself. I'm scared of my own potential. I'm so scared of what I can do, and what I know I might do.

But of course I wouldn't share this with anyone because I'm too terrified.
And I'm so terrified of being terrified

DAY I'M A FAILURE

I cut all of my hair off today. Like, all of it. It's really short. My hair hasn't ever been this short before. I don't know what to do. I like it a lot.

Also tonight was sophomore orientation. It sucked. They sat us in a bunch of different places and then talked about things that we probably should have already known and then glared when I talked. And glared harder when I tried to connect to the school's wifi on my phone. And then glared hardest when I was laughing even though I was laughing quietly! High school will be fun, won't it? The people there already like me. Or something.

I don't know what this is. I think I give up on blogging everyday.

DAY TWENTY

It's just another day here in super-boring-blog land. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Just look at the little kittens cuddling. They are adorable, aren't they? I wish I had more to say but I really have done nothing productive today and have no things of relevance to talk about and no lists that need to be made. So kittens. At least they're very cute kittens.

Until tomorrow
xx D

DAY NINETEEN

Tomorrow lots of people start school. A week from tomorrow I start school. This is so weird. I don't know what to do because school. I've spent the last three months doing absolutely nothing except for using my computer and procrastinating. And now like I have to exert myself and actually TRY. On the bright side- Phoenix's festival is in 8 weeks. Tournament is in like 21 weeks. And I'm ready to get out of here. Three years until I graduate. Three.

And now angsty wanderlust girl is gone and I don't know what's going on anymore. It's only like eleven though, and I'm just exhausted. I can't say anything coherent at all, else I risk seeming like I'm high on some hallucinogenic drug. I'm not, if you were legitimately wondering. Just scattered. Just confused.

In a week and nine hours I'll be starting in the place where I will spend the next three years of my life. Maybe I'll enjoy it, maybe I'll suffer through it, but as long as I'm surrounded by good people I think I'll be okay. And the people I know are good, to an extent.

I don't know. I guess we'll see. A week and eight and a half hours.

Until tomorrow
xx D

DAY SOMETHING I DON'T REMEMBER

I'm lazy and sometimes that means that I'll be in bed at like eleven or so and my computer won't be in my room and therefore I do not blog because I can't be bothered to go get my computer and blogging from my phone is the biggest pain in the butt ever. Two days now that's happened. Except yesterday it was because I can't keep track of time and then suddenly it was like one and I wanted to sleep.

I start high school in just over a week. It's really really weird because, like, I've been into this high school so many times because my sisters went there but I don't really know it and now I have to spend the better part of three years of my life there and it's weird. I just don't want to do it. But whatever.

I could say more but I'm not going to.

Until tomorrow or something
xx D

DAY FIFTEEN

I got A's in my online classes. As far as I know, I guess. That was a nice surprise considering the amount of effort I actually put into them. (It wasn't a lot) Also I guess in the middle of one of my health finals I started to answer an essay question, got halfway through, stopped in the middle of a sentence and then didn't finish it. I have no recollection of doing this.

I slept for like, four hours this afternoon. I couldn't even tell you why, I just did. And now I have to wake up super early tomorrow to get my schedule hopefully changed and I'm not the least bit tired but when I woke up I was absolutely convinced it was Thursday. Still Wednesday. It's summer, I never know what day it is. Also, I try to add a k to the beginning of never.

You know what is the stupidest thing? Typing tests. I would say that I'm a decent typist for a fifteen year old girl who's never taken a legitimate computer class, but for my online computer tech class they made me do like a hundred different typing assignments. And I'm never good at typing things unless they're like sentences that come out of my head rather than random words that may or may not exist. I also make a lot of just mistakes, not like hitting the wrong keys but mostly just thinking that the combinations of letters in words are different than they are. Like I almost always accidentally add an e to the end of words. I don't know why, it just happens.

There was a point to this when I started but then I got super distracted and now I don't remember what's going on but I should probably go to sleep because of reasons you know once I start writing run on sentences it's a sign.

Until tomorrow
xx D

DAY FOURTEEN- High School.

So I didn't write a post yesterday because, honestly, I just couldn't be bothered. But right now, this isn't about that. This is about high school.

There's something really surreal about the fact that in just a week and a half I'll be back in school, navigating the big, scary halls of a big, scary new high school. This summer has seemed to last forever, and the fact that it's ending seems weird because although I didn't do a lot, a lot of capital-s Stuff happened, and really I feel like this person starting the tenth grade is completely different than the one who left the ninth last spring. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but it was standing in that airport after my final flight home from camp, exhausted and sunburned and covered in dirt that I felt it. There aren't many moments that you can point to and say, "That's when everything changed," but I happen to know that that is one of those moments, although I'm not sure I'll ever know why.

Something happened to me that week in June in the mountains of Albuquerque, surrounded my one of my oldest friends and some of the best people I'll know. It's that same something that's continued to work its way inside me and do something to change me. It may be imperceptible to the people who know me well, this change, but I can feel it and I can see it in the things that I do and the things that I write and the choices that I make.

I'm not a totally different person. I don't have that idea that I'll go into a new school and I'll be a whole new person, who cares about everyone I knew before. I just know that I'm going to start high school without braces, with a new haircut and the capital-s Stuff that happened and the feeling that somehow everything has changed, even if it hasn't at all.

Until tomorrow
xx D

What is this life- DAY TWELVE

There were about four or five days where I worked really hard on my classes but now they're over and I'm back to the routine I was in where I watch Supernatural and am on tumblr and I play Temple Run. I don't even like Temple Run but it's just mindless enough for me to play it while watching Supernatural and still know what's going on in the show. Soon though, I'll be going back to school.

On that note, I go get my schedule in the morning tomorrow. I'm not exactly sure what classes I'm taking though. Like, I know all of the basics like I'm taking AP World and Physics and stuff but I really don't know what electives I'm taking? Because I know which ones I signed up for but I also know that there are some that interfere with each other. But I'll know in like less than twelve hours.

Also tonight something happened and I'm still not ENTIRELY sure what but I guess Klaine broke up and now the Glee fandom is in this like state of panic and I'm not sure what to do but I am just gonna stay away for a while until everyone gets less crazy. Not that they're ever less crazy like they're still crazy but this one particular thing is really really hard to handle because everyone can't handle the feels omg like totes.

So that's been my day. Supernatural. Tumblr freaking out. Nothing else. I'm an exciting human being.

Until tomorrow
xx D

DAY ELEVEN- Just ignore me, honestly

Okay well. AVPSY premiered at LeakyCon today. I was not at LeakyCon today. I'm actually quite butthurt about not being at LeakyCon. Everyone is meeting the people that are my biggest inspirations in life and that have, you know, changed my life completely and I'm not instead I'm sitting at home and I just watched Footloose but still. LeakyCon. Crying.

I seriously can't even talk about it I'm too sad. It's legitimately physically painful for me to think about it. I wish that I could be one of those people that is just happy for everyone who got to go but I'm not. I'm taking this as the universe's personal attack on it for doing something terrible once. I was okay with it during VidCon. I'm not okay with it now.

I actually just stopped blogging. I don't remember why, I think I just got distracted. But I have about four minutes until my battery starts to yell at me and say that I have to stop using it or it'll die, so gonna rap this up because it actually just yelled at me so now I have probably two minutes until it dies. So bad post. I don't know what you expect at this point

Until tomorrow
xx D

DAY TEN

I just finished my last assignment of my online classes and I'm so physically and mentally exhausted that I can no longer form coherent sentences. It got to a point where I thought I needed a works cited page for a letter I had to write. That's where I am right now. It's midnight. I just logged onto tumblr for the first time in days. It feels nice. I'll do something less dumb tomorrow, count on it.

Until tomorrow
xx D

DAY NINE

NO TIME FOR BLOGGING

Two AM: DAY EIGHT

There's something really beautiful about two A.M.
When everything is still and quiet and I can be truly alone, reading without regret.
Two A.M. is silent if you want it to be, tranquil, alone with a good book.
Two A.M is loud if you want it to be, silly, in a warm place with good friends.
Everything is more honest at two A.M. When it's dark and it's beautiful and everyone is likely to forget when they wake up in the morning.
Nothing is seems to be real at two A.M. The books, the music, the movies, the company. It's all there, until all of the sudden it's not. Until sleep gets in the way. And then in the morning, nothing is the same.
There's something about two A.M that seems inherently romantic. Safe. Like no one can touch you in your little corner of the world unless you invite them.
Nothing matters at this time at night. Everything matters at this time at night. You're allowed to worry or to be carefree. No one can judge you when it's two A.M. No one can touch you.
There's something really beautiful about two A.M.

I really hate online classes: DAY SEVEN

This is a list of things I would rather do than doing the work I should do

• Tumblr
• Supernatural
• Read
• Blog
• Catch the fly that's been in my house
• Sleep
• Facebook
• Make a queue for my tumblr
• ((I'm morally opposed to queues))
• ((Well, maybe not morally))
• Go back in time and convince myself that I don't want to take classes online
• Time travel actually that would be fun
• Absolutely
• Anything
• I 
• Really
• Hate
• These
• Classes

So I guess that's a thing I did
Until tomorrow
xx D

Bullet points gallore: DAY SIX

Maybe this month will just be the BEDA of lists. So now it's things I'm excited for. In the near future, not so near future, whatever. A list.

• The eleventh of August
• Sophomore orientation
• High school
• Basketball tournament
• Greek fest
• To finish Supernatural
• 2013
• Yearbook in high school
• Theater
• Summer 2013
• Catching Fire
• There's probably more but 
• Until tomorrow
• xx D

Well... DAY FIVE

I suck at this blogging thing because again it's twenty past eleven and I forgot I was supposed to do it. I just watched the first episode of Unblock the Smile Trap that I had ever seen. It was actually the third episode of it. And it was an hour long. I wasn't expecting to watch the whole thing because it was an hour long but tis so freaking funny. I started reading old BEDA's from last August to see what I talked about back then and oh man it makes me cringe trying to read those. But like the thing is, a year is a long time and a whole lot has changed since then.

A year ago I hadn't made a tumblr. I didn't know any of the people I know on the internet now. I hadn't ever written fifty thousand words on one (really, really awful) project. I hadn't read any John Green books a year ago. This was before I started dancing again, before I had ever legitimately auditioned for something. I hadn't gone through freshman year and it was before I had been a large part of creating something tangible that almost every student that went to my school possessed. A year ago I had never walked up thirteen flights of stairs in a pair of heels that was just barely too small for me because my friends wanted to. I hadn't seen most of the StarKid musicals or any of Supernatural or One Tree Hill. I hadn't ever met an author or gone to a book signing.

I can't imagine how my life was a year ago. It was just a year and that seems like it was so short, honestly, but so much has happened in this year. I've met so many fantastic people and had so many really really great experiences and it's weird thinking that if my life hadn't gone exactly the way it had, this wouldn't have ever happened. It's kinda crazy, really.

Well this blog post took a turn to a place that I hadn't expected for it. Four minutes before midnight. Good.

Until tomorrow
xx D

Day Four

Again I've found that it's twenty past eleven and I haven't written this thing. I had a concept in mind for a post but it's going to take more than forty minutes to do so that'll happen tomorrow. So okay today my sister and her fiance came over and brought me my birthday present and now I have a really pretty new pair of nice headphones so that's brilliant.

Also today I almost finished one quarter of my online classes and I'm kinda stressed out because they have to be finished by the tenth and they haven't been but I'm determined to do it. Gosh it's getting to that point where I'm not making sense to myself anymore. Oh man I learned how to make gifs in photoshop today because I finally got it to download and so I made a really terrible gif it's over there it's Jake (MulfordtheDean) telling the world that he's beautiful after spilling confetti everywhere on his head. It has some weird delay at the beginning and the coloring is off because I had to change the size to upload it onto tumblr but I DID IT and I'm so proud of myself. I'm out of things to say now. Probably gonna go to bed now.

Until tomorrow I guess
xx D

BEDA 3: Esther Day

Today is something known in the nerdfigher community as Esther Day. It's the day where everyone tells the people they love that they love them. This day is the reason that I really like this community. I have a lot of reservations about nerdfighteria, I guess, but today this whole community comes together and they celebrate Esther's life by doing the thing that she wanted everyone to do. There's something really lovely about everyone sincerely telling people that they love that they love them. It's really a shame that it's not a thing we do more often but I'm thankful that there is today where we are all encouraged to do it. It's a really beautiful thing and I'm proud to be a part of this community today and most days.

It's really surprisingly hard to tell people that you love them. I've never been good at expressing my feelings and emotions to people and even though I'm not sure people know that I love them, I've always had a really hard time conveying that correctly. In my world, saying something like, "You're such a jerk" would actually translate to "You did something I didn't like but I actually really like you anyway." Surprisingly (not), people don't tend to catch onto this. So yeah, I'm bad at expressing my emotions. But today is a day where I have a reason to push through that poorness of expressing emotions, to tell people I love them even if I think it'll sound weird, or if I don't know them as well as I would like to. I didn't do this as much as I would like today, so now, at eleven forty-five at night I'm going through my facebook friends list and on skype and on tumblr and I'm telling people I love that I love them. I don't know how many people I told. I know that I probably didn't tell all of the people that I would have liked to. But I did.

Today was the day that I remembered what I love about the nerdfighter community and why I love being a part of it. I love a whole lot of people and I like that today I had a reason to tell them.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 2: Why do I do this to myself

There are a lot of things that I want to talk about but I'm having this really big issue with transforming my thoughts into, like, sentences and then I say "like" and "I guess" and "you know" a lot and it's just tough. There was a train of though to this when I started two hours ago but since then I've forgotten. BEDA's off to a quality start as always. It's really weird because this August none of the blogs I follow are doing BEDA and none of the youtubers I'm watching are doing VEDA and it doesn't feel like it's August? But it really really is August and in like twenty days I'll be getting oriented for sophomore year and then right after that I'll be starting high school? I blame Erika for the whole ending sentences with question marks she does it on her blog a lot and I follow her so that happens.

It's literally three minutes to midnight right now and I know that it's not technically late if I put it up before I go to sleep but honestly I have nothing better to say right now so there's this.

Also, future Des if you're reading this, this song is real good. Or anyone else I guess. I just like the WWM people okay.

Until tomorrow where hopefully I'll say something coherent
xx D

BEDA, we meet again: DAY ONE

So I guess I'm doing BEDA again. It's August today. I didn't realize that until like a minute ago. It's ten thirty at night but for the past two months beginning with the letter A I've blogged and so it shall be.

What was the last thing I blogged? Harry Potter? That was a while ago. I don't have a lot to say right this second because anything else I would want to write would take a while and I couldn't do it while watching Greek. Yes, I'm watching through Greek for the third time.

Today everyone on tumblr went crazy because of Klaine. Ryan Murphy released a scene of them with like a ring made out of gum wrappers or something and oh man it was the best thing of all of the things that have ever happened to the people in the Glee fandom oh man so brilliant to all of them. It was pretty good I'll say.

Yesterday I got my braces off and got a retainer and now every time I talk I sound funny and it's kind of like wearing rubber bands again but weirder and also more annoying almost? I don't know, but it means that I don't have braces on anymore so that's super nice because my teeth look good.

Today there was a World's Worst Musical livestream and it was really adorable and hilarious and I watched it live. I never get to watch livestreams live. But they are a funny bunch of people and I like World's Worst Musical a lot actually it's really good.

I can tell that I've been on Tumblr too much because I start making these run on sentences and then I don't feel the need to capitalize or punctuate them. I'll get back into the blogging groove this month. I will.

This month I start high school. I get to go to sophomore orientation and audition for Peter Pan (I think it's Peter Pan they probably changed it) and make friends and lots of other good stuff. In some really bad dramady this sentence would be the one where I say "This month everything changes" but it doesn't really. I'll just be in a different school with different people. Same life. Same me. No braces. Stupid retainer. Two-word sentences.

Until tomorrow I guess
xx D

This is about Harry Potter

Exactly one year ago I sat down in a movie theater with some of my very best friends and I cried for the better part of two hours.

Exactly one year ago was the premiere of Deathly Hallows Part II. Yes, this is about Harry Potter.

For the longest time, I needed Harry Potter in my life. I still need Harry Potter in my life. It's one of the greatest stories of friendship and bravery that I have experienced and it has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. And now, at midnight on 15 July 2012, I'm remembering exactly why.

Harry Potter is one of those things that helped me... accept myself for who I am, I guess. It didn't do that when it was being read to me for the first time when I was very young, but it did it in the summer of 2011 and it has continued to do it since.

It wasn't until I discovered the fandom last summer that I began to realize what this series was to me and to every other person involved. It wasn't until then that I began to remember what this story had done for me and continued to do for me every time I thought about it or read one of the books or watched one of the movies. It wasn't until then that I thanked JK Rowling for changing my life subtly, but for the better. One summer ago I was a very different person than I am today. No, it wasn't the first time that I read the books. But it was the first time I really understood them.

Last summer I discovered wizard rock and Harry Potter vloggers and LeakyCon and StarKid. I stayed up until four in the morning to register for Pottermore and then I was sorted into Hufflepuff when I was sure I was a Ravenclaw. I saw my first midnight premiere and I got a light up wand and I bought a tie just so I could dress up. I found a home among random strangers on the internet and fictional characters that I related to more than I wanted to admit. I'm okay here, in this imagined place, in this second home.

My Harry Potter experience is never going to be the same as someone who grew up with the trio, someone much older than myself. But it's unique and it's my own and It's gotten me to a good place in my life. I could not thank these fictional characters or this author for this. I wouldn't know how.

Exactly one year ago I sat in a theater with some of my very best friends and I watched the last installment of a franchise that changed my life. And I wouldn't have wanted to end it any other way.

Until next time
xx D

It was a year ago today

It was a year ago today that I sat down on my computer and was really pissed at my neighbors for doing fireworks before the fourth of July. I considered posting about it on Facebook but at that time there was still a character limit on Facebook posts. So of course my immediate thought was "I must blog about this." And thus this nonsense began.

((As a side note, my neighbors are actually blowing up fireworks right now and it's quite irritating. Seriously.))

I proceeded, in the month of July in 2011, to blog about the final Harry Potter movie. I don't want to think about that right now because if I do I'll cry, so we're going to move on. I still haven't read those posts, actually, because I don't want to cry right now.

((Seriously guys, can you not wait one more day to do your stinking fireworks? I promise it's not that hard. You can do it.))

On the second of August last year I got it in my mind that I should blog everyday and it would be fine and yeah, blogging everyday would be fun. I'll be the first to tell you that BEDAugust 2011 was one of the worst ideas that I had. It was some of the worst writing that I have ever done. I didn't realize that I could format posts so they weren't just unbroken walls of text, I didn't have anything interesting to talk about, and I just talked about the same uninteresting stuff over and over and over again. I was just a little pretentious newly fourteen year old who had a blog without an audience and thought that the world needed to hear what she had to say. And now I'm an almost fifteen year old who laughs at how pretentious she can be and who blogs because she knows that one day, she'll need to hear what she had to say.

((I don't even know my neighbors but I'm seriously thinking about going outside and saying something. I won't, but I'm thinking about it.))

I started this blog before I had a tumblr, before I had ever spoken to anyone on the internet that I didn't already know and when I was still afraid to let people see my face. BEDAugust 2011 was awful. But it was also brilliant. I figured out why every day was awesome. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I improved and I documented the first few weeks of freshman year. One day I'll be happy that I documented the first bit and the last bit of freshman year. There's this lifestyle as a blogger that other people don't really have. Some people keep journals and some make scrapbooks but I share my life with the internet even though I'm the only one who reads it. And in three years after I've graduated and I want to remember freshman year or remember what I did in 2011 I'll be able to come to this silly little website and find it. That's kind of magical if you think about it.

((I think they stopped doing the fireworks but just as I typed that I heard popping noises. They're definitely still going. Good.))

A year ago I was a very different person with very different experiences. And now here I am taller, tanner, with slightly different hair, a slight starkid obsession, and so many new friends. This year hasn't been the greatest but it's definitely been life altering.

Until next time
xx D

This is actually kind of relevant (but also kind of not)

So, life is a thing that's been happening. I said in my last post that a lot happened in the month of May. I don't remember what happened in the month of May. Except I finished school, so I never have to go back to the junior high again. I spent the last real day of school hiding out down in the Journalism room finishing up last minute yearbook stuff and hanging out. It was really nice and I spent a fair amount of time with a tape mustache. We had our end of year amusement park thing for just the ninth graders also and I met some of my friend's friends and they were lovely and fun and didn't think I was too weird and I realised how awkward I always look in pictures and how much I actually liked some things about that stupid school and we signed yearbooks and it was kind of the perfect end to some not so great junior high school years. 

Right after school ended I started practises for this summer youth symphony I had tried out for so for that I had to wake up at five-thirty every morning for two weeks. The end result of this was supposed to be for me to be in California right now on tour with them but then I got sick and anxious and overwhelmed and chose to stay at home instead which I was happy about. It was a really interesting experience, though, having to rehearse at six and playing some really tough music and even though I didn't go on tour I'm actually happy that I did it for those two weeks. For whatever that's worth.

Last week I was at summer camp. It was for a week in the mountains just outside of Albuquerque and I stayed in a cabin full of people I didn't know and my old friend and it was good. I actually made some friends and I came back with a sunburn but it was really nice and I made a bunch of tumblr posts about it too so there's that. I also wrote a letter to myself that I'll get at some point that I'll cringe when I read but that kind of captures just how I felt about this week. I won't share that, though. That one's just for me.
One of the things that I said at the beginning of the week was that I liked who I am more when I'm at this camp. I like being thoughtful and quiet and I like thinking more before I speak. Really though it was one of the best weeks I've had and I really needed it.

And now everyone on tumblr is at VidCon and I'm not and it's really sad. But enough about this.

I actually really love summer. I love the smell of chlorine and sunscreen and bugspray. I like that my shoes get caked in dirt from walking around at camp. I like wearing sunglasses and shorts and tank tops and flip flops. I like being able to sleep until noon whenever I want and also take walks outside. There's something magical and lovely and, yes, romantic about this stupid season and as much as I actually like school and going to tournament in January and Christmas and all that stuff, I like summer more. I'm more myself during this time of the year, and I like that. I become a better version of myself in the summertime, I think. And it's really nice.

I should do this more often, shouldn't I? I actually really like it. Also I started this almost exactly one year ago. Look how far I've come.

Until next time
xx D

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

So remember that time that I neglected my blog for the entire month of May? No? Neither do I. So a lot has happened in the last month that I'll write about at some point but that's not what I want to talk about today. Right now I want to talk about The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

I first read this book in probably the month of November or December this past year. There were a lot of things that bothered me about it but in the end it was honest and it was real and it was good. And I liked it an awful lot. I read it mainly because I heard there would be a movie based on it starring Emma Watson and Logan Lerman, and I always read books before I see the movies. Now fast forward six or so months to today. Tonight the trailer for this movie was premiered at the MTV movie awards or something. I didn't watch those. I watched the trailer via Tumblr. And oh my God.

This book is written entirely in letters from the character Charlie (Logan Lerman) to an unknown source, referred to as "friend." I was skeptical as to how they would incorporate those letters and that feel to the book into the movie, because that's a hard thing to do. I still am skeptical, but the trailer managed to work one of the book's most quoted lines into a voice over and the scene was beautiful and I got chills.
"In that moment I swear we were infinite." 

I've talked a lot about how I feel about movie adaptations of books and this is one that I especially hope doesn't get screwed up. Not because I loved the book that much, but because if this book loses the honesty and the reality it has in translation then it won't be what it is. And that sucks. This book really deserves to have a good movie adaptation and I hope it gets it.

We'll see when the movie comes out, I suppose. You better bet I'll blog about it

Until next time
xx D

BEDA 30: The end

Today is awesome because I downloaded Google Chrome and it's p cool.

I have lots of Bio homework that I haven't quite finished because of tumblr and OTH. Also it's like 12 pages that I had to do tonight and there was this terrifying Shia LeBouf thing going around tumblr and I can't shake it. Plus I really hate Biology. 12 pages. Of Biology.

But I have to do it because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just didn't do homework that I know I'll have to "turn in." Biology.

This is weird because it's the last day of BEDA and I've done this once before, but that day I actually had something interesting to say. I have nothing interesting to say. A month in review? A month in review.


In a lot of ways this month hasn't been the best, but it's also been p good. I built a great fort and I won games of Egyptian Rat Screw and spring break and music festivals and good things. There's a list of things that make me happy, and when I'm sad all I have to do is look at that list and it's good. I creeped on cute boys and danced with nice people and I never watched HMB.


"Today was one of those days where nothing really happened and I there are these frosting things on this commercial where you just mix in flavor packets to vanilla frosting and you can get, like, cotton candy flavored frosting. I wouldn't want cotton candy frosting on anything that I eat, but that's a thing that you can do" That's a thing that I wrote earlier this month. Not one of my prouder blogging moments.

There were also the not so good parts but I don't like those and I don't want to dwell on them. I liked this month. It made me think about a lot of things that I wouldn't normally, and I like to think about things. And I had nice days and I'm glad that I documented them. And then there was that time that I got rice thrown at me at 2:20 in the morning. But I don't want to talk about it.

Good month. Good day. Good BEDA. 
Until next time
xx D

BEDA 29: I say like an awful lot

Today is awesome because One Tree Hill.

So there's this episode of One Tree Hill that, like, shows how one hour can change everything. And they like pair off and go and just hang out for an hour and have to talk about things that are on a list and then at the end they have to take a picture of each other.

I find this concept slightly fascinating, because in all of the schooling I've gone through it's generally about, you know, like straight academia and not so much about learning about the other people who are in your classes and stuff. Like, I know that most of the people in most of my classes have no idea who I am and if they do, they still don't really know who I am. And I don't really know any of them either, though I know most of their names. (Not a stalker, just on yearbook.)

It seems really strange for these kids in this high school to have an entire class period dedicated to getting to know someone else, but at the same time, I really wish that one of my classes would have that. Because I know that I'd like to get to know people better, even if I wouldn't like them to get to know me better, exactly. But the school that I go to really only seems to care about tests at this point. Everyone has to pass the standardized tests at the end of the year or, not only will we fail the class, the school will look bad. It gets frustrating at a point to know that these teachers really seem to only care about test scores. I really like to write, for example, but my English teacher doesn't read anything that she makes us write, so I don't know how to get better at it. I know that they do care about us in some capacity, but I wish that they would care for more than test scores. None of my teachers really know me because I'm not popular or loud and they just don't care to. I understand that they have a lot of classes and a lot of students, but to just take the time to know my name without looking at the seating chart. Like, come on, I've been in school for 8 months. That's almost a baby. Plus also, I've been in an orchestra class for three years straight with the same teacher and he doesn't know me at all. And look how quickly that turned into a rant about school.

Back to this OTH thing. I realized yesterday that I'm friends with a lot of people but I hardly know anything about them. I mentioned having to slow dance with people, and these are three boys who I'm friends with, but we couldn't carry on a conversation for the length of a song. That really baffles me, to be honest. I just think that something like the tv thing wouldn't only be good for me, but for other people as well. I don't know, I just feel like I can't be the only one who feels the same way this kind of stuff, I know I can't. I just wish my teachers would realize it.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 28: Interesting

Today is awesome because I saw an old friend for the first time in ages.

It's eleven 'o clock right now. Like at night. And for once, I have good reason for not having blogged earlier. I was kidnapped. Not like the creepy stalker way, you see, just like my friends showed up at my house without notice and took me and made me do things with them. And it was a lot of fun, so I don't apologise for not having blogged.

It was a nice day and I made my friends watch John Green's half of Crash Course and it was just fun. Because that's a thing that we do when we're together, I guess. Also, I picked up a ukulele and learned like eight chords so now I know like eight ukulele chords, but I don't own a ukulele.

After all of that happened my friends had me go to a church dance with them and they said it was fancy but it really wasn't and I was forced to slow dance with people. But it was okay, because I danced with friends and it was awkward but in a fun kind of way. And then I danced with a guy who I kind of like because they like, made all of the girls put their shoes in the middle and a guy chose one and danced with the girl who belonged to the shoe. I'm trying not to read too much into it, but who else would wear bright green flip flops to a dance?

All in all, it was just a really nice day today and I really like nice days. I don't get them very often. But one of my friends doesn't think John Green is funny. So that was less than nice. But now it's almost midnight and if I don't publish this that isn't great.

So
Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 27: It's gettin' real up in here

Today was awesome because I had a really nice Journalism class. We overturned the couch that we have in the classroom and built this kind of fort thing and then we went on an adventure that involved pretending to to parkour and getting doughnuts from the choir class and it was good. It was the first time in a while that I've really enjoyed just things. Plus also, I got a 91 on that Biology test I thought I was going to bomb and that felt excellent.

So that was pretty much my day today. Plus Tumblr. Always tumblr. I really don't have anything to talk about today. I'm just watching YouTube videos. I'm still trying for that VidCon thing. Did I mention that? I downloaded a bunch of photo editing software that was free because I have few moneys but I'm trying hard to make this stupid design work.

I don't know, I've been thinking a lot. Not about anything in particular, really, just about a wide spectrum of things. And I've realised that all of those things that I really dislike about myself are coming to the surface. Like, I'm rude and can be bossy and I have a temper. I say the stupidest things and I don't know how to take them back and I can't take complements and I can't give complements. I make stupid mistakes and sometimes I think that I'm smarter than other people. I spend a lot of time overthinking everything and it generally screws everything up. I'm arrogant. I'm whiny. I'm sarcastic. I don't know why the people who I'm friends with have stuck around this long. I don't have enough good traits to overpower these stupid ones. But I want so badly to be the person that people who don't know me very well think that I am. And in some capacity, I know that I am that girl, but I don't know how to leave these stupid traits behind and move on. I constantly want to be nicer and quieter and better, but I know that that's not who I am. And I don't hate who I am, I think I just  dislike the person who I'm becoming. And I hate that. I want the things I do to mean something. I want my writing to mean something. I don't know.

So that went from lighthearted to self-deprecating pretty quickly, right?

Well
Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 25: Into the home stretch

Today was awesome because it was a day that happened. No, it was good because I actually like dancing.

On that note, I started Greek dancing again today because it was all on hiatus because of Lent and it started again today and I really didn't want to go but then I did and it was a'ight. Is a'ight a thing? I don't know anymore. This is a thing that I wrote in response to someone on Tumblr and I think it's kinda funny.

                They’d fended off Devil’s snare, caught a flying key and competed in a human-sized game of wizard’s chess and now… this. In front of them was a piece of parchment and on it were numbers, presumably set up in some sort of order. Above it, “solve for x” was scrawled.

                7=x + 3.

                “Where’s Hermione when you need her?” Ron groaned.

                “If I remember correctly, you’re the one who let her get sacrificed to the game of wizard’s chess,” Harry replied. They stood there for a moment, baffled, before Harry spoke up again.

                “It’s math,” Harry said suddenly, looking up at Ron.

                “What the bloody Hell is math?” Ron asked, eyes widening.

                “It’s some muggle subject. Numbers and all that.”

                “Well you’re the one who went to muggle school,” Ron said, backing away from the table.

                “Yeah, and you’re the one who got the one person who could do this injured,” Harry snapped.

                Ron paused, choosing his words carefully before saying, “Is the stone really worth it?”

                “Nah, I bet Dumbledore can take care of it himself,” Harry said after a moment of thought. Ron shrugged. “Let’s just go home.”

So yeah. That's a thing that I did today. Also I have a Biology test tomorrow that I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail but I've accepted it and am moving on. Moving onto watching Netflix on my nice computer screen.


Until tomorrow
xxD

BEDA 25: VidCon and School and Laptops... Oh my!

Today is awesome because I FINALLY GOT MY LAPTOP BACK.

This thing has been gone for over eight weeks and it's weird because I've been using one that's old and slow and really small but now I have this lovely piece of crap back and I'm just so happy.

I think I'm out of that weird funk finally. Or at least, almost. There are VidCon contests happening and one of them is to design a t-shirt design and I have an idea that I really really like and even though I know that winning probably won't be something that will happen to me, I think this might make me want to create things again. I really like creating, even if I'm crap at art and have no ideas for writing. Whatever, I'm going to do it. I'm determined to make it through this unmotivated creative slump to the other side.

Another upside to having my laptop back? I can watch Netflix on a screen that's larger than my hand. W00t. I just really like having the ability to right click again. Also, I finished my homework for tonight already and it's hardly eight thirty but I didn't finish it from two days ago because I wasn't in class when we had to turn that in and I'm a slacker. But it's midterms and I have two A-'s and normally I wouldn't be pleased with that but I've been working myself so hard all year and I deserve to not care that much about my grades. Plus, I'm either going to ace the standardized tests at the end of the year or fail them, so the grade I have right now doesn't matter because my grade is counting on those tests. Did I mention how nervous I am for those tests? I'm okay.

So, I missed math two days ago because the band and orchestra had to walk over to the elementary school to play for the children and so the last song we played was the Pirates of the Caribbean theme and there was this gong that was behind the orchestra and in front of the band. So these kids in the band bring this little six year old boy up to hit the gong and start the song. Now, the band knew that the song was going to start there, but the orchestra didn't, so the kid hits the gong and the band starts playing but we're all just standing there, like four measures behind because we didn't know it was going to start. My orchestra teacher really is great.

Well that's all for today, I still have to finish that math assignment.
Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 24

Today is awesome because it's the birthday of another good friend of mine.

Yesterday wasn't a very good day and that's why I didn't blog and today isn't being a very good day either and I don't want to blog but I can't let myself go two days in a row without.

I talked earlier about how I've lost the motivation to do anything and I feel that way again. I just don't want to do any of the things that I like and it sucks and I don't know why. But right now it's nine at night and I still haven't finished my math homework and all I want to do is cry.

Fun story though: My friends met this guy at some church camp and they've been like friends with him and one of them has a crush on him and I just figured out that I went to elementary school with this guy and was really good friends with his little sister. So that's interesting.

Anyway, I'm not doing this now. I can't anymore.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 22: On friendship

Today is awesome because I got to sleep in.

I should be doing my homework right now. I know that I should. But I almost finished it all, so I was taking a break. Now I've been taking a break for almost an hour. But it's okay, because I'm still almost done. Also, I've been trying to write this post since the fifth. The fifth.

I've always been pretty fortunate to have had good friends for most of my life. I've also moved around a lot- I was in and out of four schools before I was twelve. Now, I've never been particularly good at making friends, and being the new girl so often didn't make it very better, so it was good that at the last elementary school I went to I found friends who I got close to and who I liked and who liked me. Then, I went to a different junior high then all of them and we swore that we would keep in touch. And we did... until one day we didn't. One of these friends had been my best friend since the fourth grade. We had gotten into our fair share of fights and we always made up... until one day we didn't. I wasn't trusting enough and I wouldn't let myself risk getting hurt. It was good at the time, yeah, but now, almost a year after the last time I've spoken to her... It just doesn't feel right. We were friends for almost five years... until we weren't.

Well, I got to this new junior high in a different school district where I knew one person. I made friends quickly there; the people were friendlier and more accepting than I was used to. Most of the friends I have right now I made on the first day of seventh grade, and almost all of the rest I met later that year. Then in eighth grade I joined journalism and made some friends who I love dearly and even though some are a year older than me, I still know I can talk to them. That's where I met my friend Rachel who is honestly one of the best people I know. Through those friends I got closer to other people and we were all really good friends, until ninth grade started and we just weren't anymore. It's funny; Rachel is a year older than me and I haven't seen her in months but I talk to her on a more regular basis about important things than I do any of the people my own age. I'm still really good friends with these people who I met in the seventh grade and I like them a lot, don't get me wrong, I just wish I was closer with them. I wish that I had a group of friends where I knew that if I was in trouble I could call any single one of them and they would all answer and help me just the same.

I often hope that when I get to high school I'll have that. It sounds silly and petty and I sound like a whiny five year old, and this post may not survive past BEDA, but I just see all of these people who have, like amazing groups of friends and I get jealous. Yes I have good friends, and yes I have one best friend, and yes, I have people I can talk to about anything, but I don't feel the same about it.

And now I've whinged on for longer than I would normally let myself and I've gotten more personal than I would normally and I've used ellipses and the word "and" more than normal so we're going to stop now, and I'll see how I feel about keeping this post come morning.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 21: Maybe I'll finish

Today is awesome because it's the birthday of two of my very good friends who I adore and now they're both sixteen and I feel really young.

I was looking online at my unpublished yearbook last night and it was really weird because I found a bunch of mistakes in formatting and stuff and I realized that no one will care. We worked so hard to do this and make it look awesome, but people will only really care about the signatures. It's the same that no one really cares about the yearbook staff in my school. I think some people think that the yearbook is just sort of created without really thinking about who's behind it. I don't know, it's really weird.

I have to leave for this wedding here in about fifteen minutes so I'm going to get ready. To be continued?

Until tomorrow or when I later edit this post
xx D

BEDA 20: I apologize for this

Today is awesome because Friday.

Almost 11:00 PM. Got distracted by One Tree Hill, computer died, forgot to blog. Good job, Desi, you're really rocking this whole BEDA crap. So anyway, Friday. Haven't watched HMB yet, but I'm still a Hufflepuff on Pottermore. Just because everyone who wasn't BETA is really excited about it, and I'm just still a Hufflepuff. Still not sure I see it.

This blog post was a thing I started twenty minutes ago. I got that far and got distracted. Now it's actually 11:00. That's nice. I get to go to a wedding tomorrow. That means that I may not post on le blog. Or if I do it will be at a decent hour. This right here is quality, man. Quality.

So, uh, I accidentally just closed this tab, so maybe I should be blogging right now. Hm. Probably not. I really like Harry Potter. And rainbows.

I apologize for this.
Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 19: Creepy weird girl

Today was awesome because I had a really nice talk with one of my good friends and I haven't done that in a while.

Today was my orchestra festival and it was good and we did decent and got a better than decent score and that was nice. Basically the way I felt about my choir festival is the same except different. Also, there was a kid who my friend insisted looked like Draco Malfoy. That's the kid that we eventually creeped out to a point where I think he was afraid of us.

I didn't have to go to class today and that was nice except now tomorrow I have to make up everything I missed which is not so nice. And I still haven't seen Holy Musical B@man yet and it's also not very nice and so I'm going to probably do that tomorrow.

I'm trying to read more because I really like reading but I haven't done it in too long. Also, I'm trying to read 50 books this year and so far, four months in, I've read sixteen. I think that's not a good thing. I haven't decided though. Still, a good goal, right?

Until tomorrow when I might have something interesting to say
xx D

BEDA 18: Motivation

Today is awesome because I'm cuddling with my cat. She's cute.

It's another one of those days where it's 9:30 and I haven't written anything and I haven't finished my homework but I've watched last night's episode of Glee for a second time. Am I the only one who has those days? Probably.

On another note, I want to start writing again. Like, writing fiction. The last fictitious thing I've written since NaNoWriMo was my LessThanThree submission and it clearly wasn't very good. But I really love writing. I write poorly. I write anyway. Or at least, I want to.

I have a couple of posts in the works, one about friendship, one about books, and then tomorrow I have Orchestra Festival, so I'll write about that. I don't like updatey blog posts because my life is really boring, but I've also lost all motivation to write anything meaningful. Or anything, really. I've lost motivation. That's what the spring has done to me. And I'm trying to get through it, I'm trying to work to be able to get my basic classwork done. But it's hard. I've forgotten how to do work. Also, One Tree Hill.

I really need to get my math homework done. I know I do. But it's so easy to not want to because I'm not going to be in class tomorrow. That's part of the whole motivation thing, though. I have to do things even when it's not necessary. Because if I don't, I won't want to do things that I have to do. </motivation ramble>

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 17: Future

Today is awesome because I got someone to agree to let me interview them for an English project.

An actual thing that was just said on Glee was, "I could see it in your face." Now, I'm no quotation expert, but I don't think that's right.

So the counselors at my school are making all the ninth graders do a "Real World Interview" where we have to interview someone in a profession we're interested. Because it's totally reasonable to make ninth graders put that much thought in our future. Right? Well, I got one of the SparkLife writers to agree to let me interview her, and I think that's a good fit for me. Writing, I mean.

I'm pretty sure the theme of this week's Glee episode should've just been "Everybody sings in a falsetto." That was a good choice, writers, really. Way to go.

Hey, one time today my English teacher chose to spend too long telling us about what decisions we should make with our lives. She does that too often for it to be reasonable in any respect. But I just have to deal with it for six and a half more weeks. I'm counting.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 16: Nice days

Today was awesome because I had no homework.

My computer's about to die, like it gave me that "running on reserve battery" warning and I'm not that fast of a typist but I wanted to do some sort of blog today because I've missed enough BEDA already so, hey.

This is now an iPod blog because I didn't want my computer to die.

I don't have anything to say, really, except for today was a pretty nice day and that was good. I didn't have a lot of stuff to do during class and then my journalism class decided that we were going to get hoodies and that was a good thing. I don't know, it was one of those school days where I just didn't really worry about anything except for trying to finish my newspaper article. It was nice. Like I said, an all around nice day. Here's hoping they continue to be this day.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 15: Blogging is hard

Alternately, a post about Easter.

Today is awesome because, well, you'll see.

So today was Easter for me because that's how the Greek Orthodox religion works. I could go into detail but I'd probably get something wrong and I'm too lazy for Google. So yeah.

The fact that today is Easter means that I got to go to church last night for an 11:00 to 2:00 AM service. Then, afterward, the nice people of my church decided that it would be a really good idea to go to a Japanese restaurant and eat some food. That's how I ended up sending the text message, "It's 2:20 and there's a person throwing rice at me." The nice chef decided that he wanted to throw rice at everyone he was serving, one at a time, until they caught it in their mouths. Yes, that's a thing that happened late last night/early this morning.

Also, I went to my grandparents' house this afternoon for lunch and that was nice. I got to see my oldest sister for the first time in a week since she moved out, and that was nice. Nice. It's just been a really nice day, aside from crazy people throwing rice at me.

I should probably be done with this post because I'm tired and my brain doesn't want me to write anymore. But tomorrow may or may not have an in-depth analysis of What Makes You Beautiful.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 14: Things that make me happy

Today is awesome because I got to be lazy and sit around and watch bad movies.

So this is a sort of response to youtube.com/constellationlcd's VEDA 12 video. I actually was going to make a video but then I couldn't find my camera and realized, hey, I need something to blog about. So this is a portion of an ever growing list of things that make me happy.

Reading a good book for the first time
Reading a good book for the second time
Watching One Tree Hill
Good friends
Summer rainstorms
Tumblr
The fort I built in my room
Harry Potter
Really bad movies
Really good movies
Leaving my window open at night when it's warm
Christmas lights
Holidays with my family
Camp
Understanding a concept after struggling with it for a while
Finally getting a really hard part in a piece of music
Watching YouTube videos
Writing
Playing music
Singing
When people seem genuinely interested in me
Being called pretty
Listening to music
The Vlogbrothers
Starkid
Kittens
My kitty
Poop jokes
Summer
Henna tattoos
The Hunger Games
Sunsets
Blogging

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 13: Failure

Today is awesome because I'm writing a blog post. Plus, I totally aced my geography test.

So, long time no post, right? My last couple of days haven't been the best. Between family drama and my own feelings and having to read all of a book and write a paper on it last night; it's just stressful. Normally writing calms that but I just couldn't. So...

These last few days have been incredibly uneventful, but because I don't have another thing, here.

My orthodontist told me that I only have two more months of braces. I like that. Also, I have seven more weeks of school. That is pretty exciting.

I don't have a lot to say; I just wanted to check in because I'm having BEDA related issues apparently and have failed. But that doesn't mean I won't try. I'll be back tomorrow with a proper post written not on my iPod. Maybe it'll even be about Holy Musical B@man. If I get a chance to watch it tomorrow. I guess you'll find out.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 10: Choir Festival

Alternate title: In which Desi is really freaking creepy about cute boys

Today was awesome for a lot of reasons. This post is going to outline those reasons.

Today was festival for the choir I'm in. Basically a bunch of schools from the district get together and we all sing songs and get rated and whatnot. And it was a lot of fun. My school did really well and I got to hang out with my friends and it was really cool.

I had to get all fancy in the morning and then didn't have to go to class at all. I got to have nice conversations with my best friend and felt like I was a part of something. Then we got to like hang out at the mall for an hour and just eat and chill and have fun.

Also, there were really cute guys in the choir of the school that we traveled to so me and two of my friends sat there creeping and swooning at these boys that were singing. Did I mention that I really like boys who can sing? Or something to that effect. Also there was one boy who played the saxophone and then sang and it turns out he knows a bunch of my friends which is weird.

Oh I also saw a friend of mine from elementary school who I literally haven't talked to in three years and that was nice because she's really great. And I don't know the appropriate way tot talk to people. Like really. Also I think that I tend to scare people.

Here's a sidestory: Yesterday me and the aforementioned best friend were standing in the back of our math class because my desk is in the back of the classroom and we were like right next to the intercom and suddenly someone starts announcing something and she freaked out because it scared her and then was all, "Yes God?" and we both started laughing slightly hysterically and then our math teacher walked in and she already thinks that we're crazy and she gave us that look that people give you when you're doing something questionable and through my laughter I said, "She got scared by the intercom," and my teacher just walked away without saying a word. That's why I tend to scare people. End sidestory. End post.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 9: This has been a blog post

Today is awesome because the episode of How I Met Your Mother didn't suck.


I was going to write something real. When I opened this document I really really was. But then there was that commercial. I don't know.

Today was one of those days where nothing really happened and I there are these frosting things on this commercial where you just mix in flavor packets to vanilla frosting and you can get, like, cotton candy flavored frosting. I wouldn't want cotton candy frosting on anything that I eat, but that's a thing that you can do. Isn't that cool?

This is the kind of day that it's been. I get really interested in silly things and now I don't blogging and mind vomit words. I shouldn't be allowed to do anything. It's not been a very good day.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 8: On memories

Today is awesome because I have clean clothes.

All around the mirror over my desk in my room I have things tacked up: Little art things I've done in and out of school (Including an awesome Hogwarts crest,) stories my friend Miranda wrote me when I was sad or she was bored, a valentine from my friend Rachel in eighth grade, a paper that another friend gave to me during NaNoWriMo that simply says, "Losing is not an option. You CAN do it," little things reminding me of camp. These are all little things that people would look at and be confused, but that mean a lot to me. I like it better that way; these memories are mine and belong to me and those who I shared them with.

My experiences are what have shaped me as a person and I like memories because they remind me of those experiences. There are some that I wouldn't share to save my life and some that I like to tell people. I guess that's true for most people. I mean, some people like to live as an open book with everyone knowing everything about them, whereas I prefer to not talk about myself. I don't know, I feel like sharing my memories is like sharing myself and just... Hm.

I like memories. They're interesting. I don't remember a lot of things about my childhood, so I have learned to force myself to remember things now, be it taping stuff to my wall or blogging. That's why I blog and tumbl I guess. It's also why I like being a part of creating yearbooks. I like helping people preserve those memories in some way.

I started this post because I was cleaning out my room and started taping stuff to my wall and now look where it's gotten me.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 7: On life

Today is awesome because I found this really cool Vitamin String Quartet cover of Brand New's Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows and it's just really good and I like it a lot.

It's getting to that time of the month again, where I question why I'm blogging every day of my life for this. But I don't want to talk about that. Because if I do, I'll sound lame and obnoxious which is how I always feel I sound and I don't like that. So.



Spring break is over come Monday and I have to go back to real life and real things. I don't want to do that, but that's what happens in life, and I only have eight more weeks of school anyway. I have the worst spring fever ever right now because I can wear shorts and tank tops and hang out outside to do things and it's amazing. I want it to be summer because it feels so summery.

I built a fort over spring break. That was the only notable thing I did. But it was a really freaking cool fort with blankets like suspended from the ceiling and tacked up to the wall and everything. It's all over my bed so I've been hanging out in my fort watching Netflix and reading all break and I love it.

I could probably come up with more things to say but my computer is almost out of battery so I better stop now.

Until tomorrow

xx D

BEDA 6: On television

Today is awesome because I got a really cute new dress.

Disclaimer: I'm really emotional about television.

My sister got Netflix last month and gave me her password, and now I just sit and watch television on my teeny tiny iPod for hours at a time because my computer that I can use for stuff like that has been getting fixed for six weeks. Not the point.

The first thing I did when my sister got Netflix was rewatch Greek. I had watched it around the time that it was just ending on ABC Family and it's just so brilliant and witty and adorable that I wanted to watch it again. It's definitely one of those shows that I will be able to watch over and over again, and I'm not going to lie: I cried at the series finale. It was so amazingly executed and heartbreaking and I loved it so much. That's not the point either.

A few weeks ago I started watching One Tree Hill. I had watched it occasionally with the aforementioned sister and was watching the final season of it, but I hadn't watched any of it until that point. One Tree Hill is marketed as a kind of teenage soap opera, but it's really more than that. These kids, they're just trying to get through life unscathed. It's really relatable in a weird way. Like, these people are star basketball players and cheerleaders and tutors and their married or touring with a band or running a freaking all ages night for a freaking club. They're so amazing but still just teenagers. It's really hard for me to articulate how I feel about stuff like this because I have a hard time realizing how I feel about stuff like this. I don't know.

Wednesday was the series finale of One Tree Hill. I'm only like two seasons into the nine season show, so I wasn't planning on watching it even though I had seen most of the ninth season. My sister kind of bullied me into watching it and by that I mean that she promised me she would feed me if I watched it with her. So I did. And this show that is wonderful and great had just a really lukewarm ending. . They advertised that a bunch of old characters would come back and then it was like... Bevin. Not that really got me. It just didn't seem like an appropriate ending for a show that great. And then Haley was all, "There's only one Tree Hill, Jamie Scott. And it's your home." And I couldn't decide whether I wanted to cry or laugh. It was one of those moments, but it lasted the entire episode. Except Chris Keller is hilarious and I love him. He had like all of the best one-liners in the entire history of dramadies and I just wanted to laugh every time he was on screen. The best.

So I get really attached to television shows. I'm going to continue watching through One Tree Hill because I love it and I want to be them or have a friend like Lucas Scott. And this blog won't stop hearing about it.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 5: On books into movies

Today is awesome because I found my old recorder.

From a young age, I've been an avid reader. I have read fantasy books and trashy teen novels and pretty much every other genre. But I've never been a "visual" reader. By that I mean that I don't picture things in my head when I read, so I can't say things like "oh I pictured her differently" when a movie is cast for a book I've read. It's weird, but I read mostly books told in the first person, so it's like I am the main character. I don't know, that's not really the point. The point is that when books are made into movies, I focus mostly on the details. And even there I'm not top nitpicky. I've sat through eight Harry Potter movies; I know everything can't be perfect.

When my friends and I saw The Hunger Games, they were all really put out by the fact that the Mockingjay pin wasn't given by Madge. Now, that's all fine and dandy for them; let them be put out by little details. But after a certain number of movie adaptations, you have to realize that things are gonna have to be different.

Two books that I really like are being released as movies in the next(?) year: The Great Gatsby and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'm extremely excited for both of these movies. Not only do I think that Carrey Mulligan and Emma Watson will be wonderful ad Daisy and Sam respectively, but I think it's really cool when books are made into movies. So many more people get to experience brilliant books that way, and there's something really cool about seeing something that you've only imagined in your head. Maybe it's just me, but I really enjoy it.

Until tomorrow

xx D

BEDA 4: Music

Today is awesome because I took my violin bow to get restrung or whatever so now I'll be able to play without like ten hairs falling out at once.

So, music has always been a really big part of my life. I've been playing violin for four years now and I really can mark important moments in my life with music. It may seem freaking crazy and weird, but I have like this list of songs that just remind me of things. My childhood or a certain day or a certain person. Music has always been there to mark moments and stuff. When I listen to certain things, I just remember. And it's not always good remembering, but it's comforting, in a way.

There's this quote from One Tree Hill that's like, "You know how you find a song and you just listen to it, like, over and over and over again, until it becomes this, like, soundtrack, until you find a new one? Or, till you wanna forget the things that it reminds you of." That's how I feel like all of the time. Right now that one song is I Must Belong Somewhere by Bright Eyes. It just gives me hope, I guess, that even when things suck and I hate where I am, there's somewhere that I belong. That's what I love about music. It can give you the hope that you need or the outlet to cry or whatever. Like, I'll never get those feelings from writing my own music. For one thing, I'm terrible at that crap. And for another, there's something magical about being able to feel something that deep and that wonderful about something that someone else wrote and sings and things. I feel the same way about books, but in a different way. I don't know.

I know that a lot of teenagers feel deeply about music and they use it to express their angst toward life and post Facebook statuses showing that angst. In a lot of ways I'm that typical angsty teen but I feel like there are things that strike chords deeper than just that superficial crap. And now I sound like a holier-than-thou jerk and I don't know how to fix it so...

Until next time

xx D

BEDA 3: Labels

Today is awesome because I have a fort in my room. Technically I constructed it yesterday, but it made today awesome.
(Everything I've tried to write in the past day has sounded pretentious and obnoxious and stupid, so this is what I'm giving you. I realize that it's pretentious-sounding. Also, sometimes I steal themes from sarcaschicks to write posts about. Whatever. Thanks.)

So, people in junior high tend to talk about how "popularity" isn't important and how it's great to be yourself. The people who say this, however, tend to either be teachers or popular kids. Now, I know that I'm not a "popular" kid by the conventional standards. But I have a close group of friends and people who care about me and that I can talk to, and those are the things that matter to me. I know that the popular kids do not like me for whatever reason, but I don't care.

Alright, I've never been one to put labels on myself. I've never considered myself a "jock" or a "prep," because I don't see myself as either of those things. I'm the one who loves books and is sometimes friendly. I prefer to sitting on Tumblr or watching One Tree Hill to going out with my friends. Because of that, people would call me a loner, but I'm not. People have this idea that they have to try to fit into a certain category. Whether it's what other people define them as, their Hogwarts house, or their Myers-Briggs Personality type. (For the record, I'm the weirdo, a Ravenpuff, and an ISTJ.) I can see how all of these things apply to me, but I don't like being tied down to those certain traits. The thing is, I know who I am. And I don't need different tests or other people's perceptions of me to define who I am. I'm perfectly aware that I will never be friends with people in my school who are considered "popular," because of the fact that I prefer sitting on Tumblr or writing to going out with friends. But that doesn't bother me. Unlike many people my age, I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am. There isn't a way that I'm going to change myself. I'm never going to stop being a lover of books. I'm never going to stop aspiring to be a writer, or making sarcastic remarks under my breath that people pretend not to hear. I'm never going to stop acting as smart as I am, even though I can sometimes come off a little pretentious and kind of obnoxious. I'm never going to stop being myself. And no amount of labels are going to change that.

The point is, I'm a Nerdfighter and a writer and a Potterhead and reader. But to put me in just those categories wouldn't show you who I really am. So many other people can identify with all four of these things, but that doesn't mean I'm like any of those people. I'm different and I'm okay with that.

Until tomorrow
xx D

BEDA 2: Introductions?

Today is awesome because my room is almost clean and the sun is bright and I'm able to comfortably wear shorts and a tank top.

I realize now that, in my 50(!) blog posts before this, I never really introduced myself. So hello Blogger people. Here's a list about me:

My name is Desi
I'm fourteen
I'm almost through with the ninth grade
I live in the wonderful state of Utah
I'm a nerdfighter
I'm a huge Harry Potter and Hunger Games fan
Pottermore declared me a Hufflepuff, but I believe I'm a Ravenclaw.
I love Starkid. Like a lot.

I don't know, I'm just your run of the mill nerd. I'm not into comic books or superheroes, but I really like books and writing and YouTube and all those nice things. I also really like Boy Meets World. Not that that's relevant, but I'm watching it right now.

So yeah. It's a little late in the game to introduce myself, and I'm pretty sure that if you've read any blog posts of mine before this you'd know these things, but I was kind of at a loss for what to blog about for the day. I have nineteen posts that I haven't published though, so expect some of those coming your way.

Until tomorrow
xx D