Sunday, April 22, 2012

BEDA 22: On friendship

Today is awesome because I got to sleep in.

I should be doing my homework right now. I know that I should. But I almost finished it all, so I was taking a break. Now I've been taking a break for almost an hour. But it's okay, because I'm still almost done. Also, I've been trying to write this post since the fifth. The fifth.

I've always been pretty fortunate to have had good friends for most of my life. I've also moved around a lot- I was in and out of four schools before I was twelve. Now, I've never been particularly good at making friends, and being the new girl so often didn't make it very better, so it was good that at the last elementary school I went to I found friends who I got close to and who I liked and who liked me. Then, I went to a different junior high then all of them and we swore that we would keep in touch. And we did... until one day we didn't. One of these friends had been my best friend since the fourth grade. We had gotten into our fair share of fights and we always made up... until one day we didn't. I wasn't trusting enough and I wouldn't let myself risk getting hurt. It was good at the time, yeah, but now, almost a year after the last time I've spoken to her... It just doesn't feel right. We were friends for almost five years... until we weren't.

Well, I got to this new junior high in a different school district where I knew one person. I made friends quickly there; the people were friendlier and more accepting than I was used to. Most of the friends I have right now I made on the first day of seventh grade, and almost all of the rest I met later that year. Then in eighth grade I joined journalism and made some friends who I love dearly and even though some are a year older than me, I still know I can talk to them. That's where I met my friend Rachel who is honestly one of the best people I know. Through those friends I got closer to other people and we were all really good friends, until ninth grade started and we just weren't anymore. It's funny; Rachel is a year older than me and I haven't seen her in months but I talk to her on a more regular basis about important things than I do any of the people my own age. I'm still really good friends with these people who I met in the seventh grade and I like them a lot, don't get me wrong, I just wish I was closer with them. I wish that I had a group of friends where I knew that if I was in trouble I could call any single one of them and they would all answer and help me just the same.

I often hope that when I get to high school I'll have that. It sounds silly and petty and I sound like a whiny five year old, and this post may not survive past BEDA, but I just see all of these people who have, like amazing groups of friends and I get jealous. Yes I have good friends, and yes I have one best friend, and yes, I have people I can talk to about anything, but I don't feel the same about it.

And now I've whinged on for longer than I would normally let myself and I've gotten more personal than I would normally and I've used ellipses and the word "and" more than normal so we're going to stop now, and I'll see how I feel about keeping this post come morning.

Until tomorrow
xx D

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